Polygynous Blessings
"And among His signs is this, that He has created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect (30:21)"..."then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three or four (4:3)"..."they (wives) are garments for you and you are the same for them (2:187)"
Fulfilling the Marital Bond’s Intended Purpose
Deen. That all-encompassing word that so concisely describes the relationship of Islaam to its adherents…a way of life. The concept of faith being an entity separate from one’s worldy affairs is foreign to Islaam. For the Muslim, the one who submits oneself completely to the Will and Qadr of Allaah, spiritual and worldly affairs coincide, so that one’s actions, whether they be the performance of the salaah or actions related to one’s career aspirations, should all be with the intention of seeking the pleasure of Allaah subhanahu wa ta’ala. And one’s actions will not gain Allaah’s subhanahu wa ta’ala pleasure unless they are in accordance with what He subhanahu wa ta’ala has legislated, both in the Qur’aan and in the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
This connection between one’s actions and one’s submission to the commandments of their Rabb does not stop when it comes to marriage. Indeed from the benefits and blessings of Al-Islaam is Allaah subhanahu wa ta’ala enjoining upon his male and female servants the bond of matrimony. However, in the Qur’aan, Allaah subhanahu wa ta’ala not only enjoins the believing men and women to get married, but He ta’ala also explains the purpose behind this marital bond, a purpose that is connected to a husband and wife’s treatment of one another. Allaah subhanahu wa ta’ala states in the Noble Qur’aan, the meaning of which is:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Surat Ar-Ruum 30:21)
Also, Allaah subhanahu wa ta’ala states in the Noble Qur’aan, the meaning of which is:
“It is He Who has created you from a single person, and He has created from him his wife, in order that he may enjoy the pleasure of living with her.” (Surat Al-A’raaf 7:189)
In Ibn Katheer’s tafseer of the above-mentioned ayah he states that it is “out of Allaah’s perfect mercy [that] He made their [Adam’s progeny’s] wives from their own kind, and created love and kindness between them.” So, inherent in the design of mankind is the establishment of a relationship of love and mercy between the spouses. For indeed, Allaah subhanahu wa ta’ala could have made women of a different creation from men, but instead in His Infinite Wisdom and Mercy, he created men and women from the same essence in order that they may be a source of tranquility and pleasure for one another.
Once the purpose behind Allaah subhanahu wa ta’ala creating men and women is established in the minds of the Believers, there can be no doubt that in order to gain the pleasure of the Creator, one must not only get married, but in doing so, must treat their spouse in the manner which Allaah subhanahu wa ta’ala has intended them to: with affection and mercy. Without these components, one’s fulfillment of the marital bond is left incomplete, bereft of its intended benefits in this life and unworthy of its potential rewards in the next life. And indeed with Allaah lies all success.
Ibn al-Qayyim Discusses the Wisdoms of Islamic Polygyny
First, he addresses the wisdom in limiting the number of wives specifically to four:
"...so, this is from the completeness of His blessing and Shari'ah, and is in accordance with His wisdom, mercy, and benefit for His servants. This is because one of the purposes of marriage is sexual intercourse and the fulfillment of one's desire, and from the people are those who are overtaken by their desire, and are not satisfied with one. So, He allowed him a second, third, and fourth one (i.e. three additional wives)...and the Legislator has attached numerous rulings to this number (three), as He has allowed the migrant to remain in Makkah for three days after completing his rituals, and allowed the traveller to wipe over his footwear for three days, and made the preferred length of hosting a guest to be three days..."
He then goes on to explain the wisdom in allowing multiple spouses for the man, in exclusion to the woman:
"...this is from the completeness of the Wisdom of the Exalted Lord, and His goodness and mercy towards His servants, and His taking their interests into account, and He is Exalted above doing anything other than this, and His Shari'ah is far from coming with other than this. If it was allowed for the woman to have two or more husbands, the world would be ruined, and progeny would be lost, and the husbands would end up killing each other, and a crisis would ensue, and the fitnah would become severe, and war would erupt. And how can the affair of the woman remain firm when she has bickering partners? And how can the affair of these partners themselves remain firm? So, the coming of the Shari'ah with what it came with of opposition to this is from the greatest of proofs of the wisdom, mercy, and consideration of the Legisator.
So, if it is said: how can the interests of the man be taken into account, with his being able to marry whom he wants, fulfill his desire, and move from one woman to the next in accordance with his desires and needs - all while the needs of the woman are just like his needs, and the desires of the woman are just like his desires?
We answer: since it is the nature of the woman to be concealed behind the walls and hidden in the depths of her home, and her moods are cooler than that of the man, and her outer and inner movements are less than his movements, and the man has been given strength and intensity that leads his desire more so than with the woman, and he has been tested with what she has not been tested with, he is granted the choice of having multiple spouses that is not available to the woman. This is from what Allah has set aside exclusively for the male, and has preferred for them over women, just as He has preferred for them Messengership, Prophethood, Khilafah, kingship and leadership, governance, Jihad , etc. over women. Also, He has made men to be guardians over women, traversing about for the purpose of looking after their best interests, constantly on the lookout for means of sustaining them, encountering dangers, and exposing themselves to all types of hardships in the path of doing what is best for their wives. So, the Exalted Lord is Thankful and Forbearing, and He thanks them for this, and has compensated them by instilling for them what He did not instill for their wives.
And if you compare the fatigue, hardship, and efforts of the man in fulfilling the interests of the women with what the women have to endure of jealousy, you would find that the man's share of having to endure this fatigue, hardship, and effort is much greater than what the women have to endure of jealousy..."
He continues:
"As for the one who says that the desire of the woman is even more than that of the man, this is not the case. The driving force behind the desire is fervor (lit. heat). So, where is the fervor of the woman in comparison to the fervor of the male? The woman - because of her free time, slowness, and absence of what will keep her busy from the fulfillment of her desire - might be overtaken by her desire, and will not find that which would oppose it. Rather, it finds a heart and soul free from distraction. So, it is able to instill itself within her to the utmost, resulting in one assuming that her desire is multiple times that of the man, and this is not the case.
And from that which proves this is that if a man has intercourse with his wife, he can have intercourse with other women in the same time frame, and the Prophet used to go around to all of his wives in a single night, and Sulayman went to 90 women in a single night, and it is known that with each woman, he displays desire and fervor that drives him to have intercourse. The woman, on the other hand, if the man fulfills his desire with her, she becomes exhausted, and does not seek to fulfill her desire with any additional man within that time frame.
So, the wisdom of of the Decree, Legislation, Creation, and Command is implemented, and praise is for Allah."
['I'lam al-Muwaqqi'in'; 2/64-66]
Marriage As An Act of 'Ibaadah
assalaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh ya akhwaat. insha'Allah i pray that this post finds you all doing well, having a beautiful Yaumul Jumu'aah.
i just wanted to share something with you all that has been on my mind as of late. subhanAllah, the issue of abuse and neglect within my beloved sisters' marriages has been the hot topic lately on various online groups of which i am a member. and, Allaahu 'Alim, i don't know what was has moved me in a different way lately because as all of you know, the issue of abusive marriages is something that unfortunately is not new to any of our discussions. it seems to come up time and time again. there might be that period of calm where no sister sends an email seeking naseehah for her straitened circumstances and then all of a sudden the wimpers and the cries for help come blaring through our computer screens and we are reminded yet again of the plight of our beloved sisters. and even during the periods of calm, those of us who know anything about abuse know that silen |
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